


long way from home

by diana_hawthorne (stsgirlie)



Series: Private Lives [4]
Category: Law & Order
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 17:23:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6575275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stsgirlie/pseuds/diana_hawthorne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Late one evening, Mike and Claire discuss love, loss, and loneliness, seeking comfort in each other.</p><p>Set in late 1995.</p>
            </blockquote>





	long way from home

She shows up on his doorstep at ten in the evening holding a bottle of whiskey, shedding her long green overcoat as she steps inside his small apartment. He takes the bottle from her and goes to fetch two glasses as she settles herself on the sofa, kicking off her boots. He joins her, handing her a glass. It’s not the first time she’s shown up with no warning. After running into her a couple months ago they’ve regularly met up for drinks. He’s been on Staten Island for about eight months and still isn’t used to the sudden lack of camaraderie he had at the 2-7, the isolation that comes from exile both from work, which was his life, and the loss of Liz, whom he loves.

Her next words echo his thoughts. ‘Love,’ she sighs, propping her feet up on his coffee table. ‘Why do we do it, Mike? Throw ourselves at these people who can’t, or won’t, give us what we want…’

He nods, his arm brushing against hers as he sits next to her, drink in his hand.

‘At least you’ve got McCoy, for whatever that’s worth.’

‘He scares me sometimes. This whole Diana Hawthorne thing… he had no idea what he did to her. God, Mike, she was in love with him and she lost touch with everything, with herself, with the canons of ethics… she convicted an innocent man to get him a promotion! The way he looked at her when she admitted it… he had no idea how he affected her. What if that happens to me?’

He looks over at her, watching as she takes a healthy swig of her drink. ‘He’s a careful guy, he’s not gonna make the same mistakes again. He’s not sleeping with you for the thrill of it. If he was, he’d pick someone he wouldn’t have to work with every day.’

She sighs even as she acknowledges his point. ‘I just don’t know what to do, Mike. I tried talking to him about wanting to leave and he dismissed it out of hand. Sometimes… sometimes I don’t know who I am, where I stop and he begins. He dismisses every bit of independence I think I have, everything that goes against his narrow view of the world… I feel like I’m suffocating.’

He nods, leaning forward to top up her whiskey. She smiles briefly at him in thanks, then raises the glass and takes a sip.

‘When I was in Baltimore last week… well, you know Tim Bayliss. He made it very clear he’d like to pursue something with me and I was tempted. I was really tempted. If we didn’t get Rausch I would have gone to bed with him, I think, if only to prove to myself that Jack…’ she trails off and looks down into her glass. ‘I’m tired of it, Mike. Tired of feeling this way, spinning helplessly in one place. I can’t see how we can go on, what happens next.’

She moves closer to him and he wraps his arm around her, setting down his whiskey as she rests her head against his shoulder.

‘Do you… have you ever felt this way about Liz?’

‘Kind of,’ he admits. ‘Except that I can’t see how I can go on without her. Christ, Claire, I’m so fucking lonely without her I could scream.’

She pushes herself up to kneel on the couch, twisting to look at him. ‘Mike,’ she says gently, raising her hand to stroke back the stubborn lock of hair that constantly falls into his eyes. She drops her gaze to his lips, then looks back at him, her brown eyes contemplative. Slowly, thoughtfully, she leans in and kisses him, her soft lips moving against his. He stays perfectly still and doesn’t respond, though he wants to very badly. He wasn’t lying when he told her he was lonely, and it’s been a long time since he’s kissed anyone.

Claire pulls back and looks at him again. ‘Maybe we could help each other be a little less lonely.’

He shifts his weight, turning so he faces her. He lifts his hand and tucks a stray lock of her shiny ebony hair behind her ear, turning that gesture into a gentle caress. He trails an exploratory finger along her jaw, feeling her pulse beat faster. She takes his touch as an answer, which he guesses it is, and bends her head to kiss him again. This time he responds, wrapping his arms around her waist as he returns her kiss with desperate urgency. He’s so tired of feeling empty, and even though he knows this isn’t a good idea he doesn’t want to stop. She feels good and he guesses she thinks the same because she settles herself on his lap.

She pulls back as the breath catches in her throat, looking at him with half-lidded eyes. He raises a hand to her face, tracing her the outline of her lips. He can’t do this, it isn’t right… he meets her gaze and he sees understanding there. She wraps her arms around him and buries her face against his neck. He can feel her silent tears as he embraces her, holding her tight as he stares blankly at the wall, filled with grief.

‘Will it get better?’ she asks, her words muffled against him.

‘I don’t know.’


End file.
